My extended family is full of great qualities and not-so-good qualities, like any other family.  We do many things well.  We do some things kind of poorly.  Many of our traditions are pretty fun – over the past 30 years, our “Candy Bowl” has spawned copycats across the country (although no one can trash talk like we can – and the next generation is learning perfectly how to carry that torch).  But some traditions are more meaningful.  One thing we do beautifully is “going around the table.”

When someone is celebrating a birthday, my family has a tradition of going around the table.  Usually there’s a prompt – “share your funniest memory of so and so” or “tell the first memory you have of so and so.”  Sometimes there is no prompt at all – everyone just gets to share whatever they want about the honoree.

Can I tell you how it usually goes? Granny or Pops decide who will start, and we literally go around the table, in order, and share a thought.   There are always a few giant laughs.  Almost always a few tears.  The truth is, we all love each other very much, just as we are, good and bad.  But there is rarely a good forum to share the specific things we love/remember/treasure, in front of others who are generally giving their “amen” and thus making those things doubly meaningful.  

It means something to hear people who have seen you at your best and worst tell you what makes you different. Special. Unique.  Loved.  Important.  Hearing those words from a table full of all ages is an experience that I cannot describe. I know that the things my family says to me have mileage far beyond the table.  

Most of life is negative, honestly.  People think far more positive things about others than they actually say.  Stop and think for a minute.  Let’s think of sitting in church on a typical Sunday. How many things do you think about those around you, like…

“She looks really beautiful today”

“I’m so glad he went over and talked to that person, I think that’s a visitor and he just made her feel welcome. So cool!”

“When they sing together, it makes it easy to worship.” 

“Every time I see him, he is smiling!”

Now, how often do you actually tell those people what you thought?  

As humans, we are pretty comfortable complaining/judging/”bless her heart”-ing but we are just pathetic at verbally communicating our admiration, to each other’s faces.  Going around the table provides a forum for us to hear the things we need to hear about ourselves.  And it reminds us just how much we love each other.

Need a lift in your family? Try “going around the table.”